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Posts Tagged ‘encouragement’

Encouragement.  We all need it, some more than others.  As a wife, it is my responsibility to encourage and support my husband. Which is simple enough, but how do you encourage when you, yourself, are discouraged?  I barely have the energy to keep my head afloat, how the heck am I supposed to encourage him??

The last four years have been really really hard for us.  You may think we are okay and happy, but we’ve really struggled and are beyond the end of our rope, you know, barley hanging on to that fraying stringy stuff at the end. Our marriage is fine, so don’t worry about that one.  We are just exhausted and discouraged financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  As I’m sure many of you are.

My husband has been called to plant a church downtown Boston.  That was 5 years ago.  Since then, we’ve been pursuing, chasing, fasting and fervently praying for doors to open.  Right now, my hubby has a “trendy” job, that others would love to have, but with a family, it’s not ideal.  He works a different shift everyday. {Sunday is his only guaranteed day off, but then he has meetings Sunday nights.}  He gets his schedule a week in advance.  He is gone for 11 hrs of the day/night.  And he gets paid very little for it.  He hates it. While he’s doing that, I am stuck in our small home, with our 3 girls, without a car.  I hate it.  We’ve been doing this for almost 4 years now.  We are both losing our minds.  And that is not an understatment.  My husband has been applying for jobs in Boston, Seattle, here in Charlotte, and well, just about anywhere, for the last four years as well.  NOTHING.  Oh, he’s had interviews, skype interviews, flew to Boston for a hands on interview, and still nothing.  After four years of not getting another job and no open doors for Boston, one starts questioning their abilities, their calling, as well as losing their spark.  My husband has lost the twinkle in his eye, which is one of my most favorite things about him.  We are both fading.  We aren’t who we used to be.  We are irritable, discouraged, exhausted, but we are clinging onto the only hope we have, Jesus.  But I must say, God and I have been having some unpleasant conversations lately.

So, how do you support and encourage your hubby when you are both about to lose your grip on sanity??

Good question.  I ask myself that all the time.  I have apologized to my husband for not knowing how to encourage him when I’m in desperate need of encouragement myself.  To my surprise, he told me that I am encouraging…and these are the things I have been doing, without realizing it was encouraging for him.

1:  Everyday, I pray that someone would come along and encourage him that day.  Whether it be a phone call from a friend, a random email, or a stranger/friend that sees his potential and speaks life to it.

2:  I text him scriptures that encourage me and in turn they have been encouraging him.  I would give you some of my favorites, but they change everyday.  Isaiah and Psalms are great books to start with.

3:  Communicate with your hubby.  Express your frustrations and why you are discouraged.  I found that when I broke down in front of him {which is often}, he said that it encouraged him to be stronger.  He had this misconception that I was super strong, not phased by our current situation, and that I wouldn’t have a clue as to what he was feeling.  WRONG!!!  So very wrong!!  Share your heart and soul and know that you are both on the same page.  At least you won’t feel alone in your despair.

4: Let him know that you still believe in him.  This one is probably the most important.  Believing in someone is huge.  Letting them know is even bigger.  Talk about encouraging!!  When we were having a heart to heart session, I told him that I would never let him give up on his dream/calling and that I believed in him.  I saw the twinkle again.  It was faint, but it was there!!

5:  Remind him of all the blessings God has been gracious enough to give you. To name a few of ours:  Healthy family.  A job. {Even though he hates it.}  A roof over our heads.  We are debt free. {Aside from student loans and our car.}  Our bills are getting paid every month. {If you compare our bills to what he gets paid, you’ll know that it is a miracle and indeed a huge blessing.}  I get to be a stay at home mom. {I’m going crazy, but I’m grateful.}  There are so many blessings along the way.  You just have to stop, count them, and remind each other how blessed you really are.

See, it’s the simple things that help encourage and show our support for our husbands.  Who knew??

Go encourage your hubby. There’s also an amount of encouragement that is received when you are blessing and encouraging someone else.  Works out for both of you!!

I have no doubt that we’ll make it through this.  Because, this too shall pass.  We just don’t have a clue as to what the next step is.  But there’s hope in our God, who is always faithful, and He will remain in control.

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